Prom 2018

Almost the whole family attended this year’s prom at Union Station! S with her boyfriend, K with good friends who are graduating this year, B and me as chaperones.

IMG-1522

IMG-1489

2018-06-08 21.35.23

2018-06-08 20.49.54

 

2018-06-08 21.04.08

Because I know so many of the kids graduating this year so well, it was a blast to see them all spiffed up and feeling fancy.

2018-06-08 22.22.24

On the 10:05 boat back, taking some quiet time, the first moment since 3 p.m. Apparently, after all that smiling I like to scowl at spy novels.

Mid-November

IMG-1147

K after performing three gorgeous songs at this year’s NATS competition.

SophandAsh

Miss S and her mother

IMG-1143

Much of the time now, Seattle from the ferry looks like an Impressionist painting with one serene color on the painter’s palette.

IMG-1157

I’ve been more interested in chopping stuff up lately instead of baking or cooking–this is my new favorite salsa:

  • 2 pomegranates
  • 1 avocado
  • a bunch of cilantro
  • 4 or 5 green onions
  • salt and pepper

I worried that a mouthful would feel like a lot of woody roughage from the pomegranate seeds, but they’re completely hidden by the crunchiness of corn chips!

IMG-1158

It’s the last leaf on our baby Japanese maple, and the week A turned 14.

 

Three summer days

IMG-0970Antelope Island, UT. The littlest bison are prone to sudden scampers and the birdsong is glorious.

IMG-1076Hood Canal, WA on the Kitsap side. Early in the morning, I couldn’t see or hear another soul. Good place for walking and thinking.

IMG-1080Volunteer Park in Capitol Hill was a really lovely setting for the Seattle Chamber Music Society’s free concert; Borodin’s String Quintet in f minor with cellist Edward Arron was intense and lyrical.

 

 

Prom 2017

IMG_0916

Heading out for BHS prom (K lent me a dress, so even though she wasn’t there, her sparkle was).

Dinner at Cafe Paloma with P and D beforehand was such a treat that I was tempted to stay and talk much longer. We did stay until closing once, with R and her brother J when she was here on a rare visit to Seattle.

I love Seattle in the summer–when we left the restaurant after 8 pm, the light was still glorious against the downtown buildings while we walked north to the art museum. As a prom venue, the Seattle Art Museum has some cons: required catering service so pricey that the food for the evening was ice water; echoing space=few smaller rooms in which to congregate and talk. It also has some pros; the art collections on the third floor are very cool, especially their Northwestern Native American collection.

I was struck by the hi-low atmosphere of young adults in formal dress wandering through the galleries while rock music surged through the museum. It’s representative of late adolescence, which embraces contradictions and is extraordinarily open to multiple ways of seeing things. I’m really going to miss this graduating class–In Don DeLillo’s words, “it is not possible to see too much in them.”

Two happy things

2016-12-10-14-45-30

Christmas Corgi! Tasha got one of her Christmas presents early, a super-soft coat she’s not entirely sure about; she sits still in it, and minces carefully rather than running. It cracks me up–she’s like a little girl in a new fancy dress, afraid to move and spoil the effect.

The Seattle Sounders won the MLS cup! It was quite a game, decided in the end by penalty kicks, which amps the tension and subsequent yells of pride and disappointment. I even had a proxy cheering in the stands there in Toronto, student J. Someone should make a documentary on this season–there’s a lot of dramatic possibility. At one point, the Sounders were second to last in the Western conference, star player Clint Dempsey had an irregular heartbeat and couldn’t play the rest of the season, new star player Nico Lodeiro came on board, head coach Sigi Schmid was fired, the team rallied under new head coach Brian Schmetzer, they turned the season around, and in the end, won the Major League Soccer cup for 2016. It’s been called “the wildest season in MLS soccer” (Will Parchman).

I like the way the team is a microcosm of social liberal values in action; a confirmation that individual liberty requires a level of social justice, in which the good of the community is directly increased by supporting the individual.

We see this in the way the team is comprised of players from many different countries, working together in the service of something bigger than national identity.

MLS regulations permit teams to name eight players from outside of the United States in their rosters. However, this limit can be exceeded by trading international slots with another MLS team, or if one or more of the overseas players is a refugee or has permanent residency rights in the USA.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Seattle_Sounders_FC_players

International players regularly on the Sounders’ field include: Osvaldo Alonso from Cuba, Alvaro Fernandez and Nicolas Lodeiro from Uruguay, Oneil Fisher from Jamaica, Eric Friberg from Sweden, Andreas Ivanschitz from Austria, Joevin Jones from Trinidad and Tobago, Tyrone Mears from England, Roman Torres from Panama, Nelson Valdez from Paraguay, and keeper Stefan Frei from Switzerland.

When helping international players adjust to life in the US, “There is kind of a standard of care you could say,” said FC Dallas technical director Fernando Blavijo.

“Teams realize that players are their biggest asset,” said Richard Motzkin, an agent. “You should take care of your most important assets and in that vein, setting up systems to help facilitate those transitions are important.”

And so we see that this is not bleeding-heart liberalism; this is action steered by compassion that is ultimately good for the organization–it is liberalism in the sense of largeness of vision, an understanding that putting resources toward individuals who need those resources will, in the end, benefit the large organization.

 

 

Safe

“After trauma the world is experienced with a different nervous system” (53).

K avoided tragedy today but not trauma. Between classes a person in the same hallway had an assault rifle, at first concealed in a guitar case. As campus police shouted at everyone to get down and stay still, the person began running toward K’s end of the hall.

The suspect was arrested before anyone was directly threatened, and K was ushered out of the building safely.

As I talked with K this evening, I drew from a book I’ve recently finished: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, published in 2014. (You can read a terrific review here.)

It was lent to me by my colleague BH, and it’s a fascinating investigation into interpersonal neurobiology: “the study of how our behavior influences the emotions, biology, and mind-sets of those around us” (2).

On trauma:“Traumatized people have a tendency to superimpose their trauma on everything around them and have trouble deciphering whatever is going on around them” (17).

On how trauma affects the imagination: It curtails the ability to let our minds play and demolishes the mental flexibility that is the hallmark of imagination. (17)

Paradoxically, that seems to be one of the very things that can most help in overcoming trauma: as van der Kolk calls it, restructuring our inner maps. He explains, “It’s as if you could go back into the movie of your life and rewrite the crucial scenes. You can direct the role-players to do things they failed to do in the past” (301). Drawing pictures, writing stories, acting it out, recounting, “reexperiencing the past in the present and then reworking it in a safe and supportive ‘container’ can be powerful enough to create new, supplemental memories [that]…do not erase bad memories” (302).

He tells us that we stay traumatized until we can integrate the trauma into our lives and greet new experiences without outsized fear.

As for me, I’m so very glad K and everyone else on campus is safe. This is yet another incident that confirms the urgent need for vast reforms in gun laws. Washington’s attorney general is on the right track.

Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.  is the founder and medical director of the Trauma Center in Brookline, Mass, as well as a professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine.